Cold Steel Bubble

I once stood within a bubble. It was freezing, and solid like steel.

That bubble had me secluded, trapped. Like a Lion imprisoned within its enclosure I circled that cold steel bubble contemplating an escape.

Was I worthy and strong enough to get out?

There came a time where I had to because no one could enter in to see the true me, I couldn’t see me. Still with lack of sight, I yearned for that.

My bubble was made up of negativities that my life had fed me, cursing me with a fear to break out.

I was over full, and instead gained an insatiable appetite for something much more substantial, something that everybody is worthy of-

Total Greatness!

And I was hungry!

With an awesome roar that lion within me began to chip away at that cold steel bubble. As fragments shot back at me I bled, but with might and the song “I am every woman” rocking on in my head, I perservered. There was no-one more worthy of an escape than I was.

From time to time I tired, and as the bubble broke down, life and its people were able to peek through and as such tried to hold me hostage within its cell. As those fragments hit me once more, I still bled but much less this time. With only a brief stand still to cleanse the wounds I kept chipping away in the pursuit of ME.

When least expected there came a time when I saw the light, it shone for me. Instantly there was an unravelling of all potentials and possibilities that I was worthy of.  

The cold steel fragments now lay at my feet.

I stepped over them.

I realized a new me.

The real me!

I now acknowledge that life will still get tough, and parts of those fragments may present themselves again. However, I now have that solid foundation that is much stronger than cold steel and as a result I can now get through anything.

A wise man, “George Michael” once said “You’ve got to have faith, baby”, and I have that in bucket loads.

Faith is my foundation, and like “Every woman”, It’s all in me.


http://youtu.be/Q8xuUdI1an0

Dear physical self.

You are only human, without perfection,
In the mirror stands my reflection.

With a zit so large it resembles a mountain,

It will go within time, concealer or foundation.

Brown eyes like a puppy dog, they glisten between their lashes,
Dimples on my cheeks when my smile flashes

(Across my face.)

When speaking I have a lisp, how could I ask for anymore,
Adds a little character like the star Drew Barrymoore.

My biceps, they bulge, and that’s ok,
With one flex, they’ll scare mean people away.

Although my little breasts won’t be protective airbags to a fall,
They will never sag down to me knees at all.

My legs are stunted, but they have tone, they are mine,
Short legs help to weave unseen through a busy line

(at a bar, packed toilet block etc. Now that’s a positive.)

With age  bums can enlarge, I hope my pert stays,

(please god, please god, please god)
Regardless it has been behind me every step of the way!

(And for that I am grateful)

Many apologies for put downs of past gone,
That moment of acceptance, you have waited too long.

I am sorry.

In the mirror stands my reflection,
A beautiful woman, without perfection,

Just like every other…

There is no exception!

Wealth and Power.

Some people collect superficial objects, gain an abundance of structures andmachines.

They take pride in their fortresses and fancy belongings,this to them means status. They see themselves as beholders of wealth. Wealth to them equates topower.

This is just stuff, an illusion, a wall that they build forthemselves to make them appear powerful.
Their wall, a charade, to hide their own weaknesses.

If their wall was knocked down, stolen or broken, whatwould they have? Nothing but themselves to rely upon with no real show ofriches.

My home is small, butcomfortable, my belongings are understated. My dog was once an orphan. He is of mixed breed but he is not for show- just love.

I do not have a wall to hide behind, because I have built my ownwealth.

My wealth comes from my person, my person is brave. My bravadocomes from my strength gained through my battles fought. My battles have gifted me muchpassion as a person. My person has much love and respect for myself and others.Those others have my back. Power comes from numbers, the crowd of numbers. Not thosewith dollar signs attached.

Power comes when you are fearless! I have no fear but a firethat will not be distinguished!
With much pride and belief within myself I can stand talland achieve anything!

No one can steal, break or knock that down, because I am nota wall.

I am me.

That is power!

I am wealthy beyond imagination.

Inferior me?

 Feelings of inferiority are incredibly common, you are not alone. Do know that it's merely an illusion of the mind. It means nothing, because unlike you, it is imagery.

A human brain replicates a sponge and overtime absorbs all that it hears and sees. Those negativities become imbedded; infused within your thought processes, your belief system, and soul.  This is not you, but learnt.

 The school of life is far greater in education than any university, however, you may choose your subject material, and as such your knowledge gained. What you come to believe is what you will seek to achieve, and attract. 

Always! 

Your thoughts about yourself can be reversed. So believe it!

No one is superior in wealth or value, higher in rank or social status, excellence, or beauty. You are not inferior. If another is making you feel this way, ask yourself why? It must be lonely where they are. Their loneliness is an invalid excuse for forcing you down to where they reside. Do not stoop to them because they are sad, yet blind to the fact. Walk away.

Everyone bares their own buried gold, so dig deep to find your abundance of treasures.
With this comes power. Grab it, and run. 

Then you will fly.

Inferior means Nothing.

About babies. (food for thought)

I love both of my parents very much, this includes my late father, they were not perfect.
From them I was gifted an eclectic mix of traits that makes me, me. I was once labelled eccentric, and I think I like that. I inherited that from them, my life, and I am grateful.

I came into my parents life without choice, each of my parents with their own demons, and in a destructive relationship not suitable for children. Although their choice of having me made my life far more difficult than what it should've been, it gave me strength, and a much greater insight to life. As a result I now know what I would like for myself, and my family should I choose to have one. I have learnt much from them.

I hear people talk about wanting to be financially secure, owning their own home etc prior to having children. I have never heard anyone talk about wanting to be personally secure, within themselves, their relationship. Ever!

Growing up, we as a family, did not have secure finances, my parents were not personally secure, far from it actually. Out of each, financial vs personal security, I can tell you what negatively impacts on a child more so, and it is not your level of socio-economic means.

Think about it.

A parents personal security can make or break a growing person, I was one of the lucky few, it made me, but it took alot of work to get this far. Money (or lack of) may leave you broke, but it will not break your spirit in the long term.

So, if you are feeling the pressure by others, or within your relationship to have children, do take note of the above.

Not only is it your life, but theirs too!

I do not feel any regretful hatred towards my parent/s, far from it, because they were only human, and learning too. With love for both of my parents, I have learnt much from them.

 It is never too late, no matter what your circumstances to be the best person you can be. Those around you, whether it be your existing children or otherwise, may learn from your example.

In the meantime, stop asking me to have babies, because
a) you need a donor for that.
b) I am mother of dog, I love him very much.
c) I am working on me, to be the best I can be,
d) I will gain that personal security FIRST!

Close encounters of the fuckwit kind.

* This post contains what some may find explicit language. Do discontinue reading if you feel that you may be offended, or if you are not 18+ years of age. If you are in my life right now, then this post is not about you. This post also applies to men, do exchange the "he/she" etc where required.

Feeling vulnerable and alone, through the midst of the gloomy fog strides a man, a gentleman, or so it seems. His exterior oozes charm, and captivating wit, his body bares the most fantastic of spoons to sink into.

All of a sudden I am elevated from the fog into the clouds, the cloud of 9. I am ecstatic, and proudly rocking out my shiniest pair of rose coloured glasses.

As the fog settles, a godly type voice bellows in my ear “He is in fact a FUCKWIT”, my mind disregards godly bellows and carries on with said gentleman. His charming exterior, like the fog, fades to highlight an arsehole inner self. Promptly, I push away and run at full throttle. Feeling my push and the thrill of his chase enhances his extreme charms.  In my vulnerability his force pulls me back. He has me captivated for a moment, until he falls to his face once more. Although it was his fall, I feel humiliated. I continue to run, as I should.

 So it appears, my godly voice is always right. He was in fact a fuckwit! I violently rip off my rose coloured glasses and I stomp the crap out of them. I can see clearly now.

Moral to this story:

“Once a fuckwit, is always a fuckwit”... in most cases. If your inner “godly” voice is telling you as such, then it is always right! You are not deserving of a fuckwit, unless you are one. You shall receive what you expect, life is magic like that! But, it’s your life.

Do as I do, and “Say no to fuckwits!”

The ill-fitting piece.

I glanced around to all others within my crowd. My piece to life’s puzzle never really fit. My fellow people appeared forlorn and melancholy. I paved my way through the masses and searched for other crowds. Each gave me the illusion of being different, they were much the same.

Baring disappointment I weaved out of that crowd again, only to find myself on a path of adventure, scaling that “mountain of self”. Along my merry and sometimes troublesome way, I was met with many pushes to “conform” by others within our society.

There were many a time that members of the “norm” found me back amongst them. Their words and nonacceptance was the force that brought me back. Perhaps I was on a journey down the wrong path? Eventually, I too felt forlorn. It was only a momentary lapse of judgement before I squirmed my way out again.

Upon observation whilst trying to fit, I had once again come to the realisation that many were not happy, I was not a piece of them, that puzzle. Society had them with “everything”, but inside they had “nothing”! No amount of “anything”, but themselves, would find them.

Given time I found free spirited warriors like me. Their point of difference was their unwillingness to lose themselves to society. For the first time in my life I did not feel like a lost piece, because whilst being lost, I was found. With much acceptance from those surrounding me, I find myself at home.

 I am no longer an ill-fitting piece to life’s puzzle.

 I am happy.